That is a WHAT!
by Different Perspective
Summary: TsengElena, after Advent Children, probably AU. Reno will soon learn why men should not go through a woman's belongings....OOCnees!


Disclaimer: Don't own anything, all characters go to Square-Enix Beware, there is a lot of OOC! All reviews are welcome, come flame if you like.

"Alright Reno, I'm going to take a long shower now, do not, I REPEAT, DO NOT GO THROUGH MY BAG!" Elena shouted as she glared at the red-hair Turk.

"Alright alright, I won't do it again." Reno sighed. Last time, he went through Elena's bag, to see if there was anything of particular interest. There was, but Elena caught him…

….And he was promptly kicked in the manly area.

Elena gave him one last glare and slammed the bathroom door shut. Reno sighed, it was another boring day at Shinra Headquarters. Rufus was working on his laptop, as usual, on the 70th floor. Stating that he didn't want to be bugged and promptly kicked everyone out of his office.

…Sometimes, he was just _this_ close to strangling that guy.

Reno was bored, and when he was bored, hell usually came. So in order to satisfy his excitement, he looked at Elena's bag.

The bag…

Full of womanly things that guys will never understand. Women…

They are so very complicated to Reno. He'll never understand them.

Reno grinned suddenly, Elena said not to "go through her bag," she never said that he couldn't take it with him…

Reno took the bag and ran out of the room. He was running down the hallway when he bumped into Rude.

"Ow… Oh, hi Rude." Reno said as he rubbed his head.

"Reno… Is that Elena's bag?" Rude asked as he eyed the jumbo-sized bag in Reno's arms.

"Yep! And you and I are going to go through her bag too!" Reno told him.

"NANI!" Rude shouted as his sunglasses fell down slightly.

"Don't you want to understand women more? If we go through her bag, then we just might understand them!" Reno said.

"……."

"Wait, I got a good idea! We'll go to Rufus' office and show him the different objects! He does seem to know more than the regular man." Reno exclaimed.

"…I don't think that is a good idea…. Rufus is probably very busy…"

"C'mon, he can take a break every once in a while!" Reno shouted as he grabbed Rude's arm and ran into the elevator. He pushed the button for the 70th floor and waited.

….A few minutes later…

Reno dragged Rude to Rufus' office door. Promptly, he kicked the door open, walked inside, and closed the door.

Rufus looked up from his laptop, annoyance clearly etched in his expression.

"Reno, Rude, what the hell do you guys want?"

"Well boss, I have Elena's bag with me. Now before you kick me out of the office and say "so what," hear me out. You see, Rude and I thought that maybe if we went through a woman's bag, we'll understand them more." Reno explained, clearly proud of this great idea.

"…..You're an idiot, Reno. But I am curious to see what a woman has in those jumbo-sized bags." Rufus said as he walked to the two Turks.

"ALRIGHT! Now, let's begin!" Reno yelled as he took out a container from the bag. He opened the container and promptly shouted,

"GREAT HOLY LIFESTREAM! WHAT IN THE HELL IS THIS!"

Rude and Rufus looked at the container, which contained hundreds of different kinds of lipstick, make-up, eye-shadow, powder, perfume, lotion, and nail polish.

Rude thought how Elena can buy so much of the same thing. C'mon, hundreds of different kinds of lipstick!

Reno thought how much of her paycheck she is wasting. She should buy it on some good booze.

Rufus thought how it is physically possible to put so much….crap in one container.

Reno coughed and put the container away. He took out a little box that said Kotex Tampons. Reno blinked and showed it to the other two men.

"What is this?" Reno asked confused.

"I don't know… I never saw something like this before" Rude stated.

"Well, open and find out!" Rufus ordered impatiently.

Reno nodded and opened the box. He took out a cylinder shaped thing, which had a little wrap around it. He opened the wrap and let the cylinder shaped thing to drop in his hand. He showed it to Rude and Rufus and blinked at them in confusion.

"I think it is some sort of weapon… Maybe for a gun? It is cylinder shaped…" Rude guessed.

"Maybe some recording device, it is small after all." Rufus said as he looked at it carefully.

-Back to Elena-

….She was going to kill him. She was going to make sure that he can't have children!

…He was going to die a horrible painful death, to put it bluntly.

As soon as Elena walked out, she noticed that her bag was gone, along with Reno. So she dried herself quickly, put her clothes back on, and stomped into the hallway…

….Where she bumped into Tseng.

Tseng blinked in surprise, but calmly gathered himself again.

"Good afternoon, Elena."

Elena blushed, forgetting immediately about her bag and Reno. Tseng was always someone that can put her in a good mood again.

"Good afternoon, sir."

"Tseng is fine, you don't have to call me sir." Tseng stated.

Elena felt her face go red, but she nodded to Tseng.

"So, why are you here in the hallway, Tseng?" she asked innocently.

"I'm just going to the President's office, I have to deliver some documents to Rufus." Tseng explained.

"Can I come with you, Tseng?" Elena asked shyly.

Tseng blinked and nodded. They both walked to the elevator and pushed the button for the 70th floor.

When the elevator arrived at the floor, the two Turks walked to the door and opened it…

…..And was greeted to the sight of three men looking down at a cylinder white thing…

Tseng had no idea what they were looking at, but he was sure that those three are going to pay hell.

…And he was pretty dmn right.

"KYAAAAAA!" Elena screamed as she saw Reno, Rude, and Rufus looking at a tampon. She instantly ran over to them, hit the tampon out of Reno's hand, where it landed directly into the office fish tank.

The tampon absorbed the water instantly.

"Oh…. I get it! It is to absorb liquid! So you can take that liquid and save it for later!" Reno said proudly.

"Interesting merchandise…I should get one of those too." Rude said.

"I wonder how beneficial they could be to the company… Maybe I should contact Kotex to ask them how this technological thing is made…" Rufus muttered to himself.

The three men thought about the tampon, not knowing about the very angry woman behind them.

Elena instantly glared at the three men and let her temper explode.

"RENO! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! NOT ONLY DID YOU STOLE MY BAG, BUT ALSO YOU LOOKED THROUGH IT! I'M GOING TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU CAN'T HAVE SEX AGAIN!"

Reno's jaw dropped and started to back away. "Now now Elena, let's not be violent. I'm sure that we can talk this out."

Elena's expression told him no. Reno laughed nervously and bolted out the door. Rude swallowed and followed Reno out the door, thankful that Elena didn't notice him. Rufus, sensing his upcoming doom, stood up and was about to run out the door when Elena gave him her death glare.

"AND AS FOR YOU, MR.PRESIDENT, I'M GOING TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU'LL BE CONFINED TO THAT WHEELCHAIR FOREVER BECAUSE OF A REAL REASON THIS TIME, AND THAT REASON WILL BE ME!"

Rufus then bolted out the door, Elena's wrath would hurt more than Diamond Weapon's attack any day.

Elena huffed with rage and slammed the door. "MEN! THEY ARE SO UGG!"

Tseng swallowed nervously and called out, "Elena?"

Elena let her temper go back in control. After all, Tseng is a gentleman compared to those three other….

…..animals.

"I'm okay Tseng, it's just that those three are so immature compared to you."

Tseng nodded, relieved that Elena won't kick his a.

Elena blushed and looked up at Tseng, "You are so professional… I look up at you… I like you, a lot."

Tseng's eyes widen, never before had he heard someone say something like that to him.

"Thank you, Elena… It means a lot to hear that from someone else."

Elena's blush deepened, "I was wondering… Are you free tonight?"

Tseng nodded, "And I would enjoy your company… If that is what you are getting at."

Elena smiled at him and held Tseng's hands with hers, "Thank you…Tseng…I have a confession to make…" Tseng blinked in surprised, "What is it Elena?"

"The truth is… Tseng, I really love-"

BANG BANG BANG

Both Turks looked at the door as someone was banging it harshly.

"YOU TWO BETTER NOT BE MAKING OUT IN MY OFFICE, DMN IT!" Rufus shouted from the other side.

"C'mon boss, leave them alone!" A statement made by Reno.

"I do not want to see all kinds of _other_ liquids on my new floor!"

"Yeah, but you're probably just mad that they won't be virgins like you anymore"

"ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT I NEVER HAD SEX!"

"WHAT DO YOU THINK!"

A crash was heard from the other side.

"SHUT UP! I CAN'T HEAR THEM ANYMORE!" A comment made by Rude.

Elena found a newfound rage and opened the door so harshly, that it might have come out of its hinges.

Rude fell forward from leaning against the door so hard. Rufus was currently strangling Reno on the ground as Reno was shouting "Virgin virgin!" over and over again.

Elena wasn't mad, no, she wasn't mad at all.

SHE WAS BEYOND PISSED!

She was _this_ close in admitting her love to Tseng, and now… and now..

These three bakas ruined it all! Just as she was about to beat the hell out of the three men, Tseng called out to her,

"Just to let you know Elena… I'm very honored to hear that… I feel the same way about you too."

Elena looked back at Tseng, to see him smiling warmly at her. She smiled back at him.

"So, do you want to help me beat the crap out of those three?" she asked.

"Of course, Elena."

**FIN**


End file.
